my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
