I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
