I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
