I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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