Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
