I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i believe in u and ur pee
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
