what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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