what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I will be naked everywhere
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
