he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
