so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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