I wannas sexs uuuuu
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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