I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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