I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
