How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Terrible idea I love it
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
