i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You should frame my arrest warrant.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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