David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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