so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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