I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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