I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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