Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
