careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
