My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
