I'm going to jail i love you
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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