I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
