Where are you?
In a non slutty way
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This is my gift to your gina
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
