Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
