i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
