omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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