i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
