just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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