Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize