Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize