dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
