If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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