Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
