Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
