Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
