I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
