just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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