The maid of honor just puked.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
