If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize