dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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