I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
