i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
