Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize