dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
