The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
