weddingsv make me drug and hornr
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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