I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
