he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
