i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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