Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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