I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
