I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
