How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There r osticjed everywhere
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
