Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
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