I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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