Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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