It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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