A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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