38 yer olds are good kisserssss
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
