Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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