He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
