im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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