what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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