I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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